Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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