im having a threesome with these popsicles
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
