Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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