i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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