matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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