He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
