We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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