sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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