i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
