Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
