so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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