Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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