But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
