I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
