she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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