Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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