tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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