he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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