So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
