So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
