I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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