I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize