I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
