Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
