p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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