we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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