The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
