Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
