I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
