Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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