I faked an abortion last night.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize