i permit you to call me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Found the puke drawer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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