I hate all girls vehemently.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
