wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
