Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
