by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is wine microwaveable?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
