i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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