She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
