You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We just shotgunned beers for America
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
