so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
