morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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