maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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