I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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