scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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