lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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