Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need to sanitize my soul.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
