i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
