You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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