wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
