the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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