i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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