ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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