I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
