and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
