isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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