seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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