Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
