chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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