Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
