As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
