Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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