Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
