You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
