You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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