wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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