Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She bit a glass in half.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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