I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
