His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
