you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
