dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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