people are starting to question the shark bite story
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
