NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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