Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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