I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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