Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
