The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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