i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
