I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
two words: eviction party
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
