Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
3 2 1 whiskey
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
